Summary: Old lovers break the ice. Sirius keeps a count.
Disclaimer: This is redundant, but I have to cover my ass. HP characters belong to JK Rowling, et al. I make no claims of ownership.
1 September 1978 12:05 pm
I am on my lunch break. James is meeting Lily so I will be dining alone. Again. I’m getting quite tired of this routine. I’d invite Peter, but I’ve spent too much time around him of late. I might invite Remus if he came crawling back begging forgiveness. Who am I fooling? No I wouldn’t. I can’t believe he broke it off to go shag some swotty, poncy theatre student. It doesn’t matter anyway. Prongs says they broke up before he got back from training. I bet the ponce couldn’t perform in the bedroom. I miss Remus. This entire situation is completely bollixed. Maybe I should at the very least send him a letter describing in vivid detail just how hacked off I am. Or, I could not and instead sit around and brood while waiting to log in some field time. I have stealth training this afternoon. If only they knew how stealthy Padfoot can be… Never mind, I don’t want to be sent to Azkaban, ever.
Just got home from dinner with the two lovebirds. Remus and I never acted that gross in front of others. In fact, if I hadn’t snogged him in front of the school in March, no one would have guessed that we were shagging. Come to think of it, I don’t think much of the school believed we were shagging even after the kiss. I bet they thought it was another joke. Oh well, those were the good old days… when I wasn’t sexually frustrated.
3 September 1978 12:12 pm
Hairy palms: not yet
Number of cold showers: 4
Number of wanks: upwards of 10
Maybe I should start smoking. Give my hands something to do other than toss off. I feel like I’m fourteen and spotty again. James is not helping. He keeps trying to drag me to some poufster nightclub called the Glitter Collar. He’s off his rocker. Just because I own all of David Bowie’s records does not mean I want to hang about some poufy disco. I think I know why he wants to go to that particular club; it must be where Remus works. He broke up with me and he can put forth the effort to patch things up. I’ve done enough dancing around his delicate feelings. Merlin forbid I say the wrong thing… I have to stop this bitterness; it’s consuming me. Why? Why did he though? What is the truth?
4 September 1978 3:40 pm
Ran into Robert Calloway today. He gave me some tickets to his next match. I don’t know why I shagged him in my fifth year. I just should have been more open with Remus sooner. Dear god, am I bemoaning the loss of my virginity to someone other than my beloved? Had to be sarcastic, had to. I really want to send Remus a letter, maybe even a Howler; give him a piece of my mind. Stupid blighter.
7 September 1978 12:13 pm
I told Prongs we could use the cottage for the full moon again. I promised him that I wouldn’t start anything…but if Remus did start, I would finish it. Seems the only time I have to write is over my lunch hour. I might have an assignment soon; I’m doing very well in stealth training. I don’t think Avery likes me much. He’s a twenty-five year old Auror. I know his brother is a Voldemort supporter. Not sure if he’s in the inner circle. The Avery’s are another old and inbred magical family. Not on the same level as the Blacks or Malfoys, but they’re up there. Oh, I forgot the count as of today:
Hairy Palms: not yet
Number of cold showers: 1
Number of wanks: 7. Hey, it was Saturday night.
10 September 1978 12:15 pm
I have an assignment. I leave the morning of the 13th and won’t return for a week. Fucking bloody hell! That’s the full moon, another moon Padfoot will miss. That’s three months in a row! I don’t care if he dumped me, et al; I made a bloody promise and I intend to keep it! It’s not fair. It’s not. I need to talk to him. I need him to look me in the eye and say that it’s over. If he can do that, then I’ll believe him. Now I can’t. Maybe I should leave a letter for James to give him. This blows.
This still blows. Plus, I had an extra hour of training today. And I have to spend my Saturday in training too. Did I mention how much I hate this situation?
Still hate the bloody situation. It can’t get any worse.
Just got worse. Moody informed me that Avery will be on this assignment. I’m supposed to shadow him. Fucking bloody fantastic. I truly hate this situation. Plus I have to train with Avery tomorrow. This blows, I hate it, etc.
12 September 1978 2:35 pm
Avery gave me a workout yesterday. I am actually glad he did. I tested my limits and pushed beyond them. I am starting to feel good about the assignment. I still hate the bloody timing of it. Really, really hate it. We leave at 20:00 hours tomorrow. So, I can wait at the cottage for Prongs, Wormtail, and Moony before having to go. I really hate this, I really do.
13 September 1978 7:25 pm
Fucking hell! I just got pulled from the assignment, moonrise is in ten minutes, and NO ONE has shown up to the cottage yet. I’m fire-calling Peter. Where the hell is that little rat?
Just got off the floo with Peter. Remus went to his parents’ house. What the fuck is wrong with him? Prongs and Wormtail would be here; it was good enough for last month. I know he showed up, both James and Peter said he did. This whole situation is fucked up. Next time I see Remus, he’s getting a big piece of my mind.
14 September 1978 12:17 pm
Hairy palms: (surprisingly) Not yet.
Cold Showers: 0
I grow tired of the scorecard. It’s pathetic, really. I just wanted to make light of the situation and have only made myself even more depressed. Not sure what I want to say to Remus though. Maybe I should stop by James’ cubicle on my way to disguise training this afternoon. Once again I defer to Padfoot. James never showed up last night. Remus must have told him not to. I’m going to kill that man when I see him next, with my bare hands too.
James is on assignment in Romania. He should be back in four days. Moody told me. Aurors are not supposed to reveal, well, except to their immediate families, when they are going on assignment. Explains why Remus made other plans for last night. Wait, I told James, my brother, about my assignment. Why didn’t he tell me about his? When was I removed from the loop?
16 September 1978 12:17 pm
Lunch hour again. I train with Travis Shacklebolt this afternoon: duelling. Shouldn’t have too rough a time with it. I think his son is in Ravenclaw, maybe a fifth year now? I haven’t decided what to do about Remus. I think doing nothing sounds like the best idea right now. I’m still waiting for an assignment; I think Rookwood has it in for me. He didn’t like that I demonstrated his incompetence while training with Avery. Won’t go into it; let’s just say that Rookwood is not up to snuff on his counter curses.
19 September 1978 10:06 am
Prongs is coming over for a steak dinner and I don’t have the steaks. Need to find an open butcher’s shop. I suppose I’m driving the bike to London today. I haven’t had a good ride on her in a while. There has to be someplace open in London on a Sunday. I better eat something and take a shower.
Just got back from London. James will be over in an hour. Remus was in the butcher shop. Need to make supper. Find some firewhiskey.
Sent James home to Lily. Still am reeling from seeing Remus. He looked so different, yet exactly how I remembered him. His hair is getting long. He has it styled so it frames his face, just falling in his eyes. Shows off his face really well. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind, but I couldn’t. He seemed so vulnerable; he looked like he was about to break. He looks like he doesn’t eat enough. I suppose when I’m not around shovelling second and third helpings onto his plate… He gets so caught up in whatever he’s doing that he forgets to eat. I never miss a meal, or a snack for that matter. I better watch that tendency when I get old. Don’t want to become a fat, old slob. I saw him; I talked to him. I miss him; really and truly miss him.
20 September 1978 12:13 pm
I come into work this morning and find a note on my desk from Barty Crouch, Head of Magical Law Enforcement. I thought Avery or Rookwood had started something. They didn’t. It turns out Regulus had been spotted at a Death Eater gathering late August and old Barty wanted to make sure that my loyalties lay with the Ministry and not my “blood.” I rather coolly informed him that I severed my ties with my “blood” two years ago and harbour no sympathy for the vipers. Old Barty needn’t worry about me; he needs to worry about Junior who was hanging around Regulus most of last school year. The good thing is this news has kept me from thinking about Remus. He looked good. His face was rosy from the autumn wind; his hair was slightly mussed; he kept worrying his bottom lip… I didn’t yell at him, not really. Maybe he’ll owl me now.
21 September 1978 12:37 pm
I received a letter from Remus before leaving for work. I just got through reading it. At least he dropped the formal shite. He likes his job; he tends bar at the Glitter Collar. He said it’s like stepping inside Ziggy Stardust’s mind. I might have to allow James to drag me there. Remus didn’t beg for my forgiveness though. Or ask to take him back. What the fuck is wrong with him? I have to write him a letter in response tonight.
22 September 1978 12:47 pm
I just finished writing the letter to Remus. I gave him a piece of my mind. Just what he deserved though; I didn’t descend into melodramatics. He pissed me off with his “I don’t know what to say to you. I really don’t.” I bloody well know what he can say to me and I let him know that. James wants a look at the letter that has me so worked up.
James just gave the letter back to me. He says I’m blowing it out of proportion: Moony always worries about saying the exact “right” thing. What’s so wrong about “I’m sorry?” It’s simple and to the point. No room for interpretation. Oh well, I’ve already sent off my reply. I think he expects me to be angry anyway.
24 September 1978 12:15 pm
Have not received a reply from Remus yet. I may have angered him severely. Well, I had to say the things that needed to be said. I had to convey how hurt I am without saying “you hurt me.” That would make me look like such a Nancy. I am a man, damn it! Feeling a bit silly as you can tell. I will take the bike out tomorrow, as it will be Saturday, and randomly drive about the country. Maybe ride through Yorkshire, beautiful countryside there. Perhaps I’ll borrow Lily’s camera and take some photos. Why not? I’m sure I can guilt her into loaning me her camera.
26 September 1978 3:45 pm
I took some lovely pictures of Yorkshire yesterday. It was really liberating having that time to myself. The ride really cleared my mind. Someone should write a book about the benefits of motorbikes, how they clear one’s mind and the like. If someone has, I’m certain Remus will know the title of it. Maybe. Still have not got a reply from him. This can’t be good.
Evening post arrived. Peter says Paulette, his girlfriend, wants to do a group date with Lily and James and me and her friend. No. No, no. No, no, no, no, NO. And I should bloody well think NOT. No reply from Remus. Bugger, I really ticked him off.
29 September 1978 12:17 pm
Hallelujah! A letter from Remus. He was quite angry as I expected, but then he detailed at length why he broke it off, how I made him feel, how I seemed to overlook his presence in my life save for the bedroom. I didn’t know he felt like that; he gave me every indication that he was fine and was quite enjoying that facet of our relationship. In fact, I’d say I thought that our sex life was the only thing working at that time. Maybe that should have been a clue, but I was so wrapped up in going to training that I…. Right. Just made his point. I’ll have to read his letter a few more times before I craft my response. After all he did make mention of my “enormous sex drive.” He’s left himself wide open on that one.