1 October 1978 12:18 pm
I replied to Remus’s letter. I decided to be a bit cheeky about certain things. Prongs is taking me shopping tomorrow for our group date next Saturday. The things I do for my friends… I am still trying to get out of it. I refuse to give up! Oh yes, a count:
Hairy Palms: not unless in Padfoot form
Number of Cold Showers: 0
Number of Wanks: oh, thousands...
3 October 1978 5:15 pm
Am now the proud owner of a pair of tight, black leather trousers. It looks as though I won’t be able to skive off this date horror. I found out that Giselle is apparently some Nordic goddess from France. She has tits and a vagina—body parts for which I’m not interested. In other news, James and I will be going on an assignment together. We leave at 05:00 hours on October 14th. We’ll be joining a group of Aurors led by Rookwood to track giants in Siberia. Oh joy. Avery is in our group. You know, freak avalanches have been known to kill wizards who aren’t quick with apparating… Bad Sirius. Talking about mortal accidents happening to his fellow Aurors. Bad, bad Sirius… I deserve to be punished… Sorry, still thinking about the leather trousers and how good they make my arse look. Ooh, the girls haven’t picked where we’re going. I’m sure if I complain enough about this date horror Peter will let me choose where I’ll be tortured. I think we should go to the Glitter Collar. Yes, my leather trousers and I are going to the Glitter Collar Saturday night.
4 October 1978 12:15 pm
No post from Remus yet. I really don’t want to go on this date. I don’t care if it will help Peter with his sex life; he should date an alcoholic whore like the rest of the desperate, randy male population. I’ll even loan him money to get back on his feet once she’s through with him. I don’t want to waste an evening feigning interest in tits and vaginas.
Got post from Remus. I think we’re on the mend. He picked up on my decorating joke and continued it in his reply. And he tried to explain his lack of openness; his words got all in a jumble over it. I forgot how shy he really is. He feels left out with James and me becoming Aurors and he isn’t allowed. But, as I’m going through mission training this week, I know Remus wouldn’t like this job. There’s too much office politics going on. He’s better off being trained by Moody for the Order. We had Russian lessons all day in case the translating spells go awry. Tomorrow we learn giant; then we get cold weather training. And then I have to suffer through Saturday night: a date with a WOMAN. Hell, I’ve done it before, but even then it was torture. Lily’s all right though; she’s not like Paulette—giggliest giggler there ever was.
3 October 1978
Oh, ha ha Sirius. About being more open, sometimes it is very difficult for me to find the words that best express how I am feeling. When I am angry, I speak whatever is on my mind even when it might be best to calm down and mull over an appropriate response. You would say that the appropriate response is the one you just blurt out without thinking. Sometimes you need to analyse what you’re about to say to make certain it really is how you feel or if it is just the anger talking. I have no idea where I’m going with this. I suppose the real reason the Auror thing is such a sore spot is that you and James go off on a grand adventure and I’m left behind. It’s a part of your life that I can’t share with you. Granted, Moody is still training me so I know how to do your job even if I not legally allowed to do it. And for the curtain patterns, I’ve always liked the French country look. Perhaps a blue toile duvet? Dark blue curtains in the bedroom; we don’t want that pesky sun waking us up too early.
5 October 1978 12:13 pm
I really loathe Avery. I think I may commit justifiable homicide on this mission. Every morning he inquires about the health of my dear mother. So I tell him that as far as I know, Mrs. Potter is in quite good health. And he’ll make other comments when no one else is paying attention. I have Avery pegged for a Voldemort sympathiser. Oh good, giant after lunch. I could piss on myself from the excitement.
I need to write to Remus. I have been so knackered though. Peter is letting me pick the venue for this date disaster. After careful deliberation, I have chosen… The Glitter Collar. He thought it was a pet store at first. Oh, this will be fun. I need to get a tight tee shirt to go with the trousers. Maybe I could find an Aladdin Sane one someplace. We start cold weather training tomorrow. Lovely. I hope I don’t lose any body parts to frostbite.
6 October 1978 12:20 pm
Sent off a letter to Remus this morning, a brief note describing my dilemma and asking for his help. I think I like this letter writing business. We are most definitely flirting. Wait a minute; what was the last line in his latest letter? Let me find it… Aha! “Dark blue curtains in the bedroom; we don’t want that pesky sun waking us too early.” I’m going to have sex with Remus again! YES! (Thank Merlin!) Prongs, whose teeth are still chattering in the warmth of my cubicle, wants to know what I’m so happy about. Allow me to enlighten him…
Perhaps I went too far in provoking James. I explained the curtain/bedroom comment and what I thought it meant. To which he replied: “That’s great then!” and slapped me on the back. The ease with which he spoke encouraged me to push further. So I thanked him, said that it was a miracle I didn’t have hairy palms, he laughed, I sighed and said rather dreamily, “I can’t wait to have Remus’ cock up my arse again.” Must stop writing. Having fit of laughter. Cannot breathe or see as tears rolling down face… I never knew how deep a shade of red James’ face could go. I think this time it was well beyond cranberry. Well, my lunch hour is over. Back to freezing my bollocks off.
8 October 1978 8:48 pm
Tomorrow night I won’t be saved. Remus wrote a rather witty reply, but he won’t rescue me! So I sent off a short reply. What’s this PS? How did I miss that? He wonders if the noble steed I referred to in my last letter was myself. If so he wouldn’t object to mounting me. I’m going to have se-ex. I’m going to have se-ex. But first I have to suffer through a heterosexual blind date. Ugh. The sex will be worth it. Maybe I can fake a case of, wait a minute. We’re going to Remus’ work. I can just sneak off with him then.
7 October 1978
Received SOS STOP Cannot rescue STOP Must work that night STOP Deeply apologetic STOP Promise to make it up to you later STOP
P.S. My noble steed? Would that be you, oh spawn of the most NOBLE and Ancient house of Black? If so, I’d gladly mount you anytime.
9 October 1978 3:50 pm
Just sent another note to Remus. Mentioned I noticed his PS and gave him carte blanche to jump me whenever he wants. Also, Lily decided to find Giselle to tell her that I’m gay. It turns out Giselle is a lesbian. She quite enjoys tits and vaginas. She just broke up with her girlfriend of three years and Paulette thinks I’m the cure for her homosexual friend. Hang on; I have to laugh for an hour or two.
Done laughing. Have also had a shower and a bite to eat. I’m supposed to be at Lily’s by 6:30, fully dressed and ready to go. We’re meeting at Paulette’s, small talk before dinner, then dinner, and then dancing. But the evening should prove hilarious as both Giselle and I are gay and have no intention of being otherwise. Especially not me, why would I want to do a silly thing like that when I have a randy ex-boyfriend looking to get back together? James is here. I had better get dressed and stop wandering about starkers.
10 October 1978 2:30 am
Home from my “date.” Saw Remus tonight. In the loo. At his work. Proper sentences aren’t possible at the moment. I mumbled something about needing to whiz and damn he looked good. Next thing I knew the edge of the sink was digging into my back, Remus’ tongue was down my throat (to be fair my tongue was down his throat) and his hands were under my shirt. My hands had removed his shirt and were freely moving over his chest. There was some nipple-pinching and neck biting/licking. Then Remus had to go and regain his senses. He went to start his shift leaving James to retrieve me and my raging hard-on. And I’m still up, in all manner of speaking. He started it. No provocation from me and Remus was ready to go at it in the loo. God bless leather trousers.
Just got out of bed. I’ll work on the bike, then have a shower and start reviewing Giant and Russian. I really can’t wait for the full moon this time. Shagging, shagging, and more shagging. Well, if James and Peter won’t ruin it for us. Sex on Tuesday, yes! I have off Wednesday to “settle any personal affairs” before leaving on Thursday for our suicide mission spying on the Giants. I’ll be here to help Remus should he want me to help him.
11 October 1978 12:45 pm
I have reached two conclusions: one, Avery and Rookwood have it in for me, and two, Remus thinks too much. The first thing I can’t do much about except tell Moody to which he’ll reply “Constant vigilance!” The second thing, well, I can’t do much about that either, except to reduce him to an unthinking blob of randiness. And then he’ll resent me for doing so. Sometimes it does one a wonder of good to NOT think or analyse. I discovered that by constantly trying to find an answer as to why my biological family is the way it is and why they hate me. It’s not rational; therefore, you cannot reason an answer. Ergo, it’s best not to think about that situation; it will only make one’s brain explode at best. Don’t ever second-guess happiness, unless it comes in pill form. But when you know you love someone, don’t make yourself crazy by doubting it or placing restrictions upon it. Reminds me of that Shakespeare bloke Moony’s mad over: “Love is not love when it alters when it alterations find/ It is an ever fixed mark…” or something along those lines. I need to remember that for tomorrow. Or I could just encourage him to finish what we started in the loo. A bit of both would be best.
10 October 1978
Sorry about losing control tonight. I’ll
12 October 1978 12:25 pm
The clocks must be running behind today, all of them. It’s a conspiracy. Five o’clock cannot arrive soon enough. Then it’s home, supper, and full moon. I wonder if Remus will be waiting on me? James and Peter are due between 6:30 and 7:00 tonight. Please let Remus be waiting on me, that means there will be more time for sex. We’ll talk too, but I think we’ve said all that needs to be said in our letters. And I don’t care if we live together or not; I just want us to be together. We actually haven’t said “let’s get back together.” So, I am a bit nervous about that. Come on, the signs all point to yes; I don’t know why I’m worrying. You know, I don’t want him waiting on me. I need to eat something and figure out exactly what to say to him. And then sex, I suppose. Bugger. I feel like an utter idiot right now, like some silly, giggling girl.
13 October 1978 2:38 pm
Remus is sleeping. In My Bed. That’s where I carried him after he transformed back. He wasn’t waiting on me when I got home, but he showed up soon after I finished supper. I confronted him; he caved. I kept my wits about me. Remus was ready to shag me on the sofa; I managed to fight him off and head for the bedroom when Peter arrived. So I redirected Remus and myself towards the bathroom. Make-up sex on the bathroom floor is bloody brilliant! Oh, I hear him stirring now; I best go and play nurse.
14 October 1978 3:45 am
I am awake at this ungodly hour because I have to meet my team at 05:00 hours for departure: The Giant mission. No eleventh hour rescue from this disaster. Remus is sleeping in my bed. He stayed an extra day and night. I think that says it all. I love him. I think I’ve loved his forever, but only realised it a year ago. Or maybe I realised how much. Oh god I’ve gone soppy. It’s the hour, that’s what it is. I don’t want to go. I want to crawl back into my warm bed and curl up against Remus. I need to leave him a note before I go; I don’t want to wake him this early.
27 October 1978 4:50 pm
I forgot to bring my journal along. I have returned home. I am under suspension. Fucking Rookwood and his lackey Avery. James and I were on lookout duty this morning. Rookwood had spotted an encampment and went to make contact yesterday. He still had not returned this morning. We were beginning to think the Giants had ground his bones to make bread (one can only hope) when James spotted him at a full, panicked run to the camp. So, I found Shacklebolt and told him that it looked as if Rookwood were in trouble. Travis gave the order to strike camp and apparate to the safe area in Moscow where we would regroup. By the time we got back to London, Rookwood had his whole scheme worked out to save his arse. As Rookwood was team leader, only he could give the order to retreat, forgetting that as second in command, Travis Shacklebolt could also give that command in his absence. So, then Avery said that I gave the order to strike camp, not Travis. There will be an investigation into the matter, which could take two weeks, two months, or two years to resolve. This underhanded, unethical shite really fucking pisses me off! I’m going to have a hot bath and then go out to a pub and get irrevocably sloshed.
31 October 1978 (not sure of the time as I can’t find my watch)
Happy Halloween. I am in bed. I have enough strength to write today as I woke up yesterday and was able to eat in between passing out again. A merry gang of Death Eaters attacked me Wednesday night/Thursday morning. One I thought was Snivellus. Another one couldn’t have been whom I thought because he’s still at school. The other two, well, one sounded like Avery, but I was drunk at the time so I can’t recall events accurately. As it’s Sunday and his day off, Remus is playing nurse. I need help walking to the toilet. This is not fair! I feel like a fucking infant. Too weak to be really hacked off. And writing this entry has made me tired. Really. My hand wants to give out about now. I’d use a Dict-a-Quill, but I’m not allowed to do any magic, however simple, for two weeks. Bloody Healers, they think they know everything. I better be able to transform into Padfoot by the tenth. Not missing another full moon ever again. Feeling sleepy again. Maybe I ought to put my journal away before Remus scolds me. Remus. Remus. Remus. Wait a moment, Remus found me. Which means they moved me. They moved me near Remus’ work. Holy fuck, I was a message. Prongs had better put up some seriously strong wards at his place. Should make sure that the Evanses are protected as well. Right, laying down for a nap now.